One of the things that I have had a lot of time to do over the last two weeks is to think. I have felt for a long time like I'm two different people, and I think the only way for me to heal and move forward is to start reconciling the two.
In some ways I feel like I'm taking off a mask, but I think to say it's just a mask would deny that I am also that other persona, so lets just say that I'm giving additional depth to my character.
I would like to start by sharing that I suffer from major depression. Some of you know this, but many of you do not. I've been depressed for a very long time, much longer than how long I've been diagnosed with it, but I was diagnosed with it around 4-5 years ago, I have, especially in the last 8 months, struggled with it immensely.
Behind the persona of confidence, control and sure-footedness is someone that is insecure, scared and barely holding onto control. Behind that signature laugh so many people say identifies me, is a lot of sadness and despair.
Why have I chosen to say all of this? Well basically because I feel like I've been living a lie to some extent, and that's not right to do. You are on my Facebook because you are my friends, colleagues, family (by blood or otherwise) and you deserve honesty. But I also am at a stage where I can no longer continue the struggle without the support of my friends and family. Being depressed and hiding it is like living in solitary confinement, it's one of the most lonely experiences possible, you're screaming inside and no one can hear you. In order for me to move on and get better (it's not something that is curable), I need to be able to be honest with you, honest with myself and get the support I need from friends and family.
It is unfortunate that there is a stigma still around depression and similar illnesses and I understand I risk that by being open here. But at this point I don't have much else left to lose. I do want to thank one amazing friend, Donald Pimental, that saved me at a very bad moment some time ago and since then has been one of the few people I can talk to when things get rough. He's gonna do amazing in his chosen career. Thank you to everyone in advance for your understanding and support.
Posted by Jason J. Desrosiers on Tuesday, June 23, 2015
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