I remember that I was at CVS in Riverside, I wasn't working, I had dropped in to discuss some things with the Store Manager at the time. I got a call from my mom to come home quickly. When I got home, she broke the news to me. He had been ill on and off, diabetes having taken its toll on him, but he was still active and no one had seen it coming.
His passing was a Riverside tragedy, people were literally lined up out the door and around the block at the wake. So many of them, men and boys that he had coached over the years, touched by his friendship, mentoring and guidance. Many I knew from various aspects of life and many I did not.
Like myself, my uncle had a way of keeping various parts of his life separate. My grandmother (his sister) and my mom would say how we'd find out years later about girlfriends he had, etc. And while I did occasionally meet the kids on his teams, that too was like a different world to me.
For me, he wasn't 'Big Al' he was 'Uncle Fred'. How that came about, I'm not sure, but it is interesting that he came to even go by a different name, to in some ways, further highlight the separation of these aspects of him. In a life where I had few male role-models, he was one of the closest things I had to one. When I was younger, he would pick me up and drop me off at school in his truck. It would always be the same time in the morning and the Honeydew Donuts commercial would come on. It still stays in my head today "Honeydew, the world's best donuts, Honeydew just for you! We makem right every day and night at Honeydew!"
He would see us on holidays and give me New York Giants stuff. He took us to see the EP-Lasalle Game on Thanksgiving one year. He would always be there in a pinch, like picking me up from school when I was sick if my mom had no way to get to me. He'd take us sometimes for ice cream with his little league team when I was young. But I wasn't really athletic or into sports and I think to a large degree we both kinda lost interest in each other due to that.
As his god-son, I always felt a special connection to my uncle, my family would sometimes quip that some part of my behavior was similar to his. But I would ask myself sometimes why he no longer spent much time with me, he had time for every boy in Riverside except his nephews. I was as much to blame for that as he was, in my teens I stopped really dealing with my extended family and we simply lived in different worlds. I found new role models in a few high school teachers that embraced me and for whom I had shared interests, which were on the intellectual side, not the athletic. A few years later, my youngest brother, a decade younger than me, would start to bond with 'Uncle Fred', and visit him at games, they shared a lot more common interests than I had with him.
I was never good at sports nor did I really have much interest in them. It was due to him that I even had a minor interest in football and his beloved New York Giants. Otherwise, I was happy when the school team won a game, but I kinda never really understood the place that sports seemed to have.
But then when he passed, I saw not just my family, but three generations of Riverside athletes mourn. Men who became coaches because of the effect that 'Big Al' had on them. Boys from age 6 to 17, as well as their fathers crying, the police and firefighters that were there when he was taken out of his house, crying. It took me until then to really get it. The sports wasn't the point, it was the love and the care and values that were instilled.
In some ways, it took this nephew and god son of his, for him to pass in order for me to really understand him. Something I wish I understood better when he was still with us. But I hope that my small role in public life, including helping to support middle school athletics, does his legacy justice. I hope also, in the near future when my own life is stable, to perhaps be a 'big brother' or do something else to support youth the way that he did and the way I wish I had as a fatherless boy. It would be a small drop in the bucket compared to the effect that he had, but I hope my actions and my life honors his memory and makes him proud of his god son.
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