In a Weird Place...

It's been a while since I've written a blog post, and perhaps that's because there's so much going on that it's hard to pick a topic that stands out. On the other hand, since this blog is supposed to be a form of self-therapy and self-discovery, perhaps it also means that so little is going on in that respect.

I don't think it is coincidence that a month hiatus from professional therapy (my therapist was away), coincides largely with the hiatus from posting on here. But now we are back in the somewhat normal routine (albeit later in the day since I work on Wednesdays now).

I guess I am in a weird place because a new 'normal' is still being established, I'm very much a creature of habit and my habits have in a large way been wiped clean. Even the normal of the deep illness and depression I suffered for a few months in the spring/early summer has been supplanted.

After that I went back to Sam's Club for a couple of weeks, but since I had given my notice, even those two weeks were not in the norm that I had prior to my leave of absence.

I definitely enjoy my new job, but the structure of my life is just now starting to normalize. Little things that both together and due to my nature, seem big. Things like being off on the weekends, instead of weekends being prime-time. Things like the commute and the time I wake-up. None of these are 'bad' but they are different and it still doesn't feel normal or permanent, it still feels more like a temporary alternate assignment. I went through this in the transition between CVS and Sam's Club as well.

Then there are the bigger things like being around a whole new group of people, an entirely different work atmosphere and an institution with vastly different goals. I like the new people I've met and I've been treated extremely well. I also like that every mistake or mis-step isn't a federal case like it seems to be in my retail experience. I do miss my colleagues from Sam's Club however.

The work atmosphere is a really positive change from retail, I feel like I'm part of something really important and good. The culture, all the people and the internal politics are a learning experience that I'm still navigating, but there's been nothing negative that's come out if it yet.

And so, while I'm still battling bouts of depression and still battling the feelings of isolation I feel in my personal life. The cement hasn't really settled and dried yet on my new situation to really even know how I feel overall.

Hopefully more good to follow!