Introduction

My name's Jason, and I'm 30 years old. You probably know that already if you are reading this. Most likely this will mostly if not exclusively be read by people I know and who hopefully care about me. After all, why would strangers want to read about some guy? But who knows, maybe I'm incredibly interesting. I am doing this both as a form of therapy for myself and as a way for others to understand my journey and potentially draw strength from it. I also want those close to me to really understand who I am, as I discover this to a large degree myself. I've been treated medically for depression for about 4-5 years, I say medically because it was being treated by a physician using medication. I didn't actually start seeking therapy until a few months ago. My therapy, in concert with a lot of free time due to illness, has opened up a lot of questions for me and allowed me to really look at who I am, and discover that I've been largely hiding myself, and that in a lot of ways, I don't even know who I am. One of the challenges that my therapist has given me is to learn more about my father, who was not really in my life and who has passed on. I thought for a long time that he was not really relevant to my life, but I'm starting to see that may not be the case. In addition to that quest, I'm also hoping to find what I want to do with my life and to separate the mask that I've been wearing from my real persona, which has been worn for so long they have become somewhat fused. So here's some of the things to keep in mind for this blog, not really rules but up-front communication: 1. Just because I share something here does not mean that I will always feel like discussing it. I ask that if you have questions/comments, you leave them here and I can read them when I am in the correct frame of mind to do so. If you do bring something up in person, I may be fine talking about it or I may not, how I act if I am not may be abrupt. 2. I am often writing these posts as thoughts come to me. Unlike a lot of my writing, especially that those who know me may be used to, this blog may not always be neatly formatted, perfectly spelled, with immaculate grammar or great diction. Please do not comment on such, the point here is to share my thoughts, those thoughts will sometimes come fast, those thoughts will sometimes be jumbled. Deal with it. 3. I do not intend to follow a regular schedule with posting here. I tend to think of these things Wednesday after therapy or Thursday, so posts may often be on those days, but do not set that as an expectation. This is one of the few things in my life that's about me and I will post when I feel right to post. 4. You may not get to see everything or I may not be able to explain everything. I will not, unless really upset, call out people by name. I may refer vaguely to issues at work but never to people there and only in generality out of professionalism and in keeping with their social media policies. So please do not beg for more details in the comments. I may be willing to discuss details privately (but review point number one) if we have that level of trust.